When I went to court to sue my ex-husband John in court in Texas, I was certain that the court would find the case in my favor, after all, John did owe me for his portion of the community debt incurred during our 5 plus years of marriage.

Still, I was nervous, because I haven’t seen nor talked to him since our last hearing in Washington State in October 2020.

As I sat in the lobby waiting to be called into the court room I could see out the corner out of my eye a person standing outside in front of the entrance. He had his back to me, but I could tell that was John.

I wasn’t sure what he would look like. I thought he would look like how lots of vets looked like, out of shape with a shaggy beard. Or, I thought maybe he would have looked as sickly and thin as he did the last time we were in court.

I was quite taken aback when he looked like neither. I mean, he was wearing a full suit with a tie and blazer. But he looked healthy and not overweight.

To be honest, I was disappointed. I wanted him to look as fat and ugly as he was behaving.

So, he eventually comes into the lobby but makes sure to be part of the lobby where we can’t see each other. I can hear him as he talks to different people on the phone.

“Yeah, still no sign of him. Yeah she is here. What do I do if he doesn’t show up in time?”

Yes! I hope his lawyer doesn’t show up, that would make my life easier.

Unfortunately, his lawyer did show up.

It sounded like this was the first time they met. As they were talking about the case I turned and looked at them. I mean, they were talking about me, in front of me, how could I not look?

The lawyer looked at me and said “is that her?” John replied, “yeah, that’s her. I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t even want to look at her.”

I thought that was funny, I mean how dramatic.

So, the lawyer comes over to me and introduces himself. He chats about the case and says that he filed a motion to dismiss the case because I am asking the court to enforce an out-of-state order. I said that’s fine. He said OK, well good luck and turned to walk away.

I said, “I won’t need it. Thanks!”

He stopped in his tracks and turned to me and said, “Confident. I like that,” and continued to walk away.

He continued talking to John. I overheard him saying that the case will be dismissed but it’s only temporary. That once I get the order domesticated I can come back and sue. John said something along the lines of he can’t afford to pay…lies.

We are finally called into court. The judge was very kind and understanding towards the fact that I didn’t have a lawyer. He explained that this case should be heard in a district court instead.

Though the court didn’t find the case in my favor, I wasn’t discouraged. It just meant I had a few more steps to take until I finally could have justice and relief that I rightfully deserve.

When I made it back to the hotel, I thought about the day and about John’s behavior. He was so emotional and upset….but why? What did I do to him for him to be so upset?

I mean he was the one that lied and cheated throughout our entire relationship.

He was the one that lacked the self-awareness to see his flaws and actually try to work on them instead of trying to tuck them away.

I waited patiently for over 5 years for him to work on his personal issues, until I finally realized that the relationship wasn’t worth it because we both weren’t happy.

The decision to get a divorce was a mutual. He agreed to the terms of the divorce, which was to split the community debt 50/50. So why was he so upset now that I am trying to enforce that he follows the divorce decree that he filed?

Sure, to me and according to the law, John was the wrong person.

But, to John, I’m the villain, dragging him from court to court to get him to pay money that he thinks is too large a sum that he should have to pay.

That made me think of the word duality.

I came across this word often recently and read that it meant things were not just black-or-white.

I thought, duh, I know that. That I am a very open-minded person, so I already knew this.

But reflecting on what happened today made me understand the definition of duality better.

That I can the person in the right. That I am in the right for taking John to court to get him to pay his fair share of the community debt that he agreed to pay off.

But also, I can be the villain in his story too! To him, I am the bad guy.

So, I am both, as he is both.

To me, he is the bad guy skipping out on his promise.

To him, he is just trying to move on with his life and doesn’t feel like he owes me for anything.

Though this doesn’t get me any closer to receiving the relief I am seeking in court…it does give me a sense of peace.

That we are all just trying to do what we all think is right and sometimes that will clash, like between John and I about this debt.

He’s not really the villain nor am I, we are just two people doing what we think is right.

Thinking about this in this way helps me feel less hurt, betrayed and angry about the situation. I take his actions less personally.

Neither of us have to be the villain and we can just let the law decide who does what.

Nevertheless, he is paying his fair share of the hefty community debt and I got myself a great lawyer!

See you in court soon John!

*evil laughs*